Scared

We leave in three days. I've spent the last month being a pathetic excuse for a mom, so that I could be a better mom in the future by making a living off of photography, and do you know what is going through my head right now? It goes something like this - "What IN THE WORLD are you thinking?!"

I'm scared out of my mind.

We are leaving Valencia because our café can't support us. We are leaving because I either look for a job here and put my kids in not-so-great day care, or go back and try to find a job. But we all know that finding a job right now is not easy, especially for a teacher who's teaching license has expired.  So, my bright idea was to start a photography business. I've put all of me into it. I've stayed up until 2 in the morning for the past 10 months. I haven't sat on the couch and watched a movie, read a book or knit a hat in 10 months. I have put every last thing I have into it, and now after lauching my website and my blog, most of my confidence is waning. I'm not good enough. No one wants me to take their photos. I am going to fall flat on my face. Like I feared. It's going to come true. It's already happening.

I am scared to leave here. I'm scared of all the humiliation that will come with failing.


I am just so scared.