We leave in three days. I've spent the last month being a pathetic excuse for a mom, so that I could be a better mom in the future by making a living off of photography, and do you know what is going through my head right now? It goes something like this - "What IN THE WORLD are you thinking?!"
I'm scared out of my mind.
We are leaving Valencia because our café can't support us. We are leaving because I either look for a job here and put my kids in not-so-great day care, or go back and try to find a job. But we all know that finding a job right now is not easy, especially for a teacher who's teaching license has expired. So, my bright idea was to start a photography business. I've put all of me into it. I've stayed up until 2 in the morning for the past 10 months. I haven't sat on the couch and watched a movie, read a book or knit a hat in 10 months. I have put every last thing I have into it, and now after lauching my website and my blog, most of my confidence is waning. I'm not good enough. No one wants me to take their photos. I am going to fall flat on my face. Like I feared. It's going to come true. It's already happening.
I am scared to leave here. I'm scared of all the humiliation that will come with failing.
I am just so scared.
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5 comments:
Sarah - I "know" you bc I'm auditing the Business 101 class on CM. OMG, I feel the same way....except I haven't gone as far as you yet in the process. If it helps at all, you've got it. you are amazing. I would CERTAINLY hire you, and this is coming from another photographer. Please have faith. I know that you have what it takes to make it BIG and that it will all work out. You have the personality and the talent to go far! It is so, so scary, I know! I'm there too :)
Nicole, I could just hug you right now. I read your message with tears streaming down my face. Thank you so much for your kind words.
Hang in there Sarah. Moving gives you an opportunity to start fresh & new. I'm sure with every client you photograph those self doubts will lessen. Its normal to feel a little nervousness, its what makes us who we are. It's when we stop dreaming and trying new things that we should start to really worry about where we are going in life. What a wonderful thing you are teaching your children. Or other people...you are following a dream. The name of your blog says it all... It's a process and you sweetie are on the right path to success. Hugs to you!
Fear of failure should never be a reason not to try something. Fear is a good thing- it means you are truly living and taking risks and that you want something enough to be afraid of losing it or failing at it. I'd say if you weren't afraid, you weren't on the right path. Embrace that fear and show it who's boss!!! You're an awesome photographer and you can do all kinds of things that I'd be afraid of- like learning a new language, living in a foreign country, opening your own bar/restaurant. You're awesome!
I'll never forget one of the scariest moments I ever experienced- realizing I was pregnant with no health insurance and I was working a temp job that barely paid above minimum wage. And you know what? It all worked out in the end and I am a better person for it. And it turned out to be one of the greatest blessing of my life. You can do it.
Sarah, What a brave post. We all feel this way at one point but we all smile and pretend its okay. If this all goes south for you-you know you tried and learned from it, but something tells me it will work out, maybe not exactly in the ways you are planning but it will work out.
I moved back to the island 6mnths ago and it is so amazing to be raising my child in this community of support and sharing with him all the places and people that I had as a kid. We can't wait to see you at story time at the library, or at the playground, or on the beach. Happy travels and don't forget to breathe. Change is hard-that's the point.
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