Pouring Myself Into it

She is a huge fan of crackers. The turkey? Not so much.

Our Thanksgiving, Sunday November 28th. As I put the mashed potatoes and stuffing into the oven, I caught myself breathing a sigh of relief. "Ah! Thank god I'm almost done with this." After five hours of nearly non-stop cooking and cleaning, I could finally sit down and enjoy the food.

You know what happened, though? The turkey and the stuffing both came out too dry, and the rice salad was just ok (I found myself really enjoying the wine and canned cranberry sauce, though!). I was bummed. I had worked so hard, and the food was not yummy at all.

This is my typical crazy-eyed look. I think it's also my, "thank god, I'm done with this thing" expression.

I have been thinking about this for the past few days and I think I know what happened. Have any of you read "Like Water for Chocolate" by Laura Esquivel, about the girl who pours all of her emotions into the food she is cooking? I think it's like that. I don't LOVE cooking by any means. Actually, I find it more of a chore, and catch myself looking forward to the end of it (when I get to eat my overly dried, tasteless food). I certainly don't pour any of my love into it.

Let's get carvin'!

When I realized this, it dawned on me that I live most of my days like that - just getting through the chores so I can do what I really want to do - play with my kids (I mean really play - not worry about one of them kicking the other in the head, or worry about discipline or how not correcting bad behavior might end up making them serial killers down the road). I want to go on long walks with my husband and kids, and take beautiful photos and learn as much as I can about photography, and take beautiful photographs... (Wait, did I already say that? )  When I'm doing these things, I'm absorbed with them. I put all of myself into them. Everything. And you know what else? I never seem to have enough time to do them. What I mean is I use up every last second of the time I do have, but it's never enough. I always wish I had more!

I don't know why I love this photo so much. I just really do.

See her little teeth? One of her top teeth popped through too.

Thanksgiving 2010 in Valencia, Spain

My mom used to tell us that we should put our whole selves into everything we do. I need to reconsider this, because otherwise I feel like I'm just going through the motions, holding on until the moment when I really get to live again. I certainly don't enjoying the less than desirable activities like doing the dishes and hanging the laundry, but, maybe if I put my whole self into them, I would enjoy them more. I really do think it makes a difference.

She sticks her tongue out whenever she's happily shy, or just excited.

The most beautiful thing to see on a tv screen

When someone loves what they do, they never need to tell you so. It's that obvious. You can see it... or taste it... quite literally. Those people who are fortunate enough to make a living out of one of their  passions must live a joyful existence. I hope I make it there one day. Until then, I think it's time to pour more of myself into all the rest of it.

(SQUEAL!!!!!) My First REAL Shoot!

Yes, folks, you saw that right! I'm doing my very first photo shoot for someone I've never even met! I'm ecstatic and nervous and giddy, and just in a silly stupor at the moment. I think I'll start moving over toward the "biting my nails nervous" end of the spectrum as the date gets closer.

This photo has nothing to do with the post. I'd have thought you were used to this by now! ; )

"How did this happen?!" you might be asking yourself.

Well...

I cyber-met this really awesome American girl, Heather, through a mutual friend here in Valencia. We've exchanged emails but have never met IN PERSON, so I can officially call this my first shoot with a stranger! It's a portrait shoot of her three boys, ages 8, 6 and 1.5. YIKES! I'm totally nervous about shooting three kids at the same time. And boys! What am I going to do with boys? I'm used to girls! (And Heather, if you're reading this, prepare yourself. I really am this much of a dork!)

We're planning on doing it around Dec 5th ish, so be prepared for the whole story. I'm excited to hear how it goes myself!

Yay! Not a Loser!

This is full sun. Can you believe that?!

Just wanted to let you all know they announced the winner of the FEET contest on Monday. I didn't come in first place, but was happy to have come in third! Yeah! It was so so close, though. Out of 76 votes, the winner ended up with 14, second place with 11 and third (me) with 9 (it's a very small forum of photographers). The other 12 images were just as wonderful, and when it came down to it, I really think it was just a question of preference (although the winner's was pretty freakin' awesome).

I'm also adding some of the images I got yesterday at one of the parks close to our house called Beniferri. There are some really opinionated, high-maintenance moms that hang out there, that we have to avoid. It's pretty easy. I wear my wool rainbow hat from college, and baggy pants and carry around my huge camera, so they talk to Alex! ha ha ha! I think in order to feel my best, I really can't listen to so much judgment and negativity. It only makes me feel stressed, and usually a bit frustrated since they also tend to be a somewhat ignorant.

Compose

I also wanted to add this last photo of Julietta wearing this adorable hat that our friend, Erin, of Froggy Holler Outdoor Preschool made for us. Isn't it just fab? I think she could be one of the Simpson children in it... Marge's daughter! Ha! Cute as a button!

   

Being Nice

Is this a photography blog, or a blog about life? Um... both, I guess... I don't know. They seem intertwined to me, so that is what it will be. Life and Photography intertwined. As you know, I have a lot to talk about and no one to listen, so forgive me if I'm long-winded at times.

I've become a bit of a grump. I snap at my two-year-old daughter sometimes. I get angry at little things, like when my husband jokes with me and I don't think it's funny. I want to be nice and kind and sweet and lovely, but sometimes I get stuck on the dismount. I am not as awesome as I want to be.

Last night was the first class from Tamara Lackey's workshop on Creativelive. Like Jasmine Star, this woman is amazing. She is a child photographer, but above all that, she is a self-taught expert on child psychology. She knows how to interact and play and just be with children. She gets down to their level, she talks to them and she relates to them. She tries to empathize with them when their little fingers are cold or if they just don't want to be there getting their picture taken. She is kind.

Although fabulous photographers, what sets Jasmine Star and Tamara Lackey apart from the massive crowd of photographers, in my opinion, is their ability to work with other people. In a word, they are nice. They are the kind of people you'd like to sit down and have a beer with and just shoot the breeze all afternoon long. You know you'd laugh, and you'd be heard and they'd never make you feel stupid, no matter how many dorky things you did!

I have always held faith in that one quality that I believe in so strongly - kindness. I truly think that if you can just be nice to people, to treat them like friends, to talk to them and make them feel heard and understood and welcome and special, well... it will take you places. Unfortunately, it is much easier to treat people the way they treat you.

I meet a lot of grumpy people here. I mean A LOT. And I have to make a conscious effort to be nice to people, because right now in my life, it isn't coming naturally. I either want to shrivel up and disappear, or I want to yell and scream and kick my feet and hit things and yell, "JUST BE NICE... PLEASE!!"  People want to feel like they belong. Believe me, I have never felt so low in my entire life because I don't feel like I really belong anywhere except in my own house with my own family. I feel like I'm completely out of my zone. I want to go home, but I can't. And to top it off, I have very few friends here, which makes me feel grumpy and miserable. Trying to be nice to others when you are miserable is like trying to brush your two-year-old's teeth while she's having a tantrum.

I don't have a photo of that, but I wish I did. The only more difficult thing would be taking a picture of yourself trying to brush your two-year-old's teeth while she's having a tantrum.

The thing I try to imagine, though, is that maybe those other people are feeling just like me. Maybe they are tired of feeling ignored. Maybe they used to say hello to each other, but after they realized that no one was responding, they stopped.

Oh, I don't now. I guess I'm trying to say that it seems too easy -  "be kind and you will be successful", but when it comes down to it, being kind isn't as simple as it sounds. People can be mean and grumpy and rude. People can really suck sometimes. Why would I want to be nice to those meanies?

Maybe that's why those few who make it a goal to really truly understand others, and give them a break when they behave less than ideally, are the ones who do go far.

Kindness isn't given much thought to when we think of factors that influence success in life. But maybe it should be.

A Finalist!!! (without Thick Skin)

Judgment. Criticism. Advice.

You know, I'm not a huge fan of any of those words. I know they are necessary, but in my happy little world, we'd all just float around on clouds, dance under cherry trees in bloom and eat chocolate, strawberries and champagne all day long.

Without these words, though,  I guess we'd never become world renowned swing dancers and I bet there'd be tons of cloud collisions due to the excessive amounts of champagne consumption.

So, yeah, all right, I'll give you that. They're necessary, in small doses, especially if you find yourself strolling down an artistic path like photography.  I've realized that if I want to be any good at this craft, I have to put myself out there, and open myself up to criticism. I have to take a photo that I think could be the spawn of Ansel Adams' work and then have others rip it apart. Ok, so far no one has ripped apart my work, but then again, I've only posted to have my photos critiqued a few times. It's nerve wracking! (Oh, and don't worry, I've never even humored myself enough to compare my work with Ansel Adams' photo babies).

And now for the news...

My foot image was chosen as a finalist in the We Love Feet contest on the Bloom forum. WAHOO!!! Awesome! Wonderful! Kick ass! Right? Right?! It's fabulous, isn't it?

Well... yeah, it is. But now they open it up and forum members vote for the images (gulp!). And you know what else? Everyone can see how many votes our photos get (big gulp that just won't seem to go down!). I'm so scared that I'm going to end up with only one vote. Even more humiliating would be the knowledge that the lone vote would be my own. (Help! Memories of me walking around with toilet paper hanging out of the back of my pants are flooding my mind.)

OH!!!! Don't let me ever enter a contest again!! Do you hear me?!!!

I'll never enter another contest again.

Never

Ever

Ever.

What if I fail?!! 

And there it is.

If I let myself  be honest with you, and with myself, I'm afraid.

It's really scary to let yourself and parts of yourself - your own creations - be so vulnerable. Photography is such a hit or miss career. The probability that I'll succeed is low. I know this going into it. I will most likely fall flat on my face - in front of everyone (because damn! I started this blog, announcing my cloud dancing high hopes to the world didn't I? Smart one, Sarah.)

The thing is, though, just imagining stopping now because I'm afraid I'll never make it is totally idiotic. And if I don't try, if I let all these thoughts of mediocrity and fear of embarrassment and failure deter me from even attempting it, I honestly feel like I'd suffocate from the inside out. (And I'm not even being just the tiniest bit melodramatic. So there!)

The contests and critiques, the judgment and criticism -  these are all just precursors to what is yet to come. So I guess the only logical solution is to step down from the cloud I've been dancing on and hop into a Volvo. At least then when I collide, I'll be ready for it!

Oh, and don't worry your pretty little heads off. Sundays are still reserved for cloud surfing and champagne sipping.

Somewhere Near Albacete

Now that we are down to only one day off per week, it makes it extremely important to wisely choose what we are going to do with that precious day. You see, I say that "we" are down to only one day off because even though I'm a stay-at-home mom, I feel like the only time I really get a break is when Alex is home with me. So, Sunday it is. This Sunday, though, we found ourselves obligated to go on a mini trip to Albacete for an 8 year-old's birthday party. I have to admit that I was less than enthusiastic when it came to the prospect of spending the day locked up in their house with the tv blaring and trying to make sense of their strange vocabulary and difficult accents. It turned out to be fine, though, and do you  know why? Because I had some new stuff to photograph!! Always a good enough reason to give up a lazy day at home!

I grabbed Julietta right after lunch and we went on a walk around the tiny, run-down town. I mean, it's OLD! Walls are falling down, paint is chipped everywhere you look. The entire place is weathered, and I think it's beautiful. I would have been in awesome backdrop heaven if I had had a willing upright model, but Letta likes to put everything in her mouth and doesn't sit still long enough for me even to push the shutter release, so instead I went around and just took some shots of the town. I'm pretty sure these photos aren't really any good, because I have no idea what I'm doing when I'm not shooting people, but I thought they really captured the feel of the town.

I thought this was so cool with the kitty cat staring at me.

After walking around in circles for quite a while (the town is tiny. EVERYONE knows each other. A man stopped to talk to me and knew immediately that I wasn't from there. He, of course knew Juani and Felipe, Alex's cousins, and even knew exactly where they lived.) I found a spot where I could let Julietta roam free for a bit.

And later we met up with the rest of the crew and I fired off a few more shots before heading to the town pub for a warm drink... or was it a gin and tonic... tomato tomato (to be pronounced differently, obviously).

This is Julietta and Christian seeing each other for the first time.

Christian. He looked like the Marshmallow Man in his big green jacket. I wanted to eat him up!

And Felipe. He's a real ham. If all kids were this easy to photograph, it would be a breeze!!

The bunch

Serious Alex

Serious Bella.

Not a bad day, if I do say so myself. And next weekend? Another workshop from Creative LIVE! with Tamara Lackey!!

Entering Number One!

This was a hard decision, guys. I was really leaning towards number three, but the favorites were clearly number one and four. I chose to enter number one.

Oh and just so you know,  this isn't some huge contest or anything. It's for a contest on the Bloom forum I'm a member of. But, you know, I LOVE games, so I have to enter, right?!

Thanks to everyone who helped me choose! You are THE BEST!!

Love, Sarah

Help me Choose - Barefoot Babies

Remember back a couple months ago, when I wanted to enter into a photo contest, but I didn't know which picture to choose, so you helped me, and I sort of, kind of won a little bit?  Well, there's another contest (nothing big. Just a fun one from a forum) and once again I don't know which image to choose. Help me, please!!

The theme is FEET. Which one do you think I should I enter?

1)

2)

3)

 4a)

 4b) Which version?

I have to turn it in by Monday, so if you get a minute, let me know what you think.

Thanks, friends!

Flare it up

I heart flare. I do. I like the sound of the word. I like that it means putting a bunch of pins on a vest if you work in a restaurant. I love that one of the definitions is : a. To erupt or intensify suddenly. And I would have a love affair with lens flare and haze if it weren't so controversial.

This one doesn't really have any flare, but I just love it.

Flare isn't loved by all, apparently. One of my photographer friends said that she's surprised at how many of her clients don't dig it. I dig it, though, and so I will make sure that it plays a major role in the unraveling and evolution of my style.