Goodnight Irene

We said goodbye to Alex's sister, Irene, for a while. We don't know when we will be back in Spain, and since Irene can't leave the monastery, it's up to us to go see her again. I got so many images that I absolutely love on this trip. It doesn't hurt that the nuns are so sweet and playful. I always want to pick up Halel, the mother superior, and swing her around. She's the cutest thing you ever did see.

 Seeing Irene for the first time. This is what Bella does when she feels shy.

Un beso

On a nature walk. Bella is the leader, of course.

Julietta knows how to give kisses now.

Sunset and playing with Papá.

This is one of my favorite shots with Halel.

20 Houses

A few nights ago I started thinking about all of the different houses and apartments I've lived in throughout my life. I counted 20. That seems like a lot to me, especially since I lived in the same house from ages five to 18. I went a bit stir crazy after high school, I guess.

Julietta, my little "artiste", helping me unpack the arts and crafts box.

While packing up this one, I realized that each time I've packed up a house, I've been eager to get to the next place. I've never felt very attached or nostalgic. I usually even leave a few days early because I can't wait for what lies ahead. I was really caught off guard when I was hit with a sudden wave of sadness as I was tossing out old worn out clothes a few days ago.

Gripping my pant legs. "Ma ma ma ma ma"

I have not been a big fan of living here in Terramelar. To be honest, I've had to fight with my inner grump from coming out on a regular basis. I found it odd that I was feeling twinges of sadness. This house, though, spills over with memories for the short time we were here: Bella took her first steps here, we flooded the living room with a birthing pool, Julietta was born here, the café started doing really well, the economy took a nose dive, the café started to suffer, we struggled with money, we ate at Asian buffets, Alex learned how to make paella, Julietta learned to crawl, Bella started speaking Spanglish, and my photography journey began here. There were a lot of difficult times, but I know when I close the door for the last time, I will probably only remember the good stuff.

Here are some photos I took of my girls with their grandparents, or  their "Yayos". In the first few, Bella and Julietta are dressed like Falleras.( Fallas is the biggest festival in Valencia that takes place in March where all chaos breaks loose. It's an amazing festival where they burn these huge incredible sculptures that they spend all year making.)


I was experimenting with some different types of processing, so there is some variation in color, contrast...etc.

And these are from our New Years day family lunch. In Spain, the entire family gets together to have dinner on New Years Eve, and then after midnight, the party animals go out until the wee morning hours. I don't know if it's such a tradition to have lunch together on New Years Day, but it's a tradition in Alex's family. You eat shrimp for both of them!! MMM!

No, this is not an exorcism. The Yayos are very devout Catholics, and Bella likes to play with the cross.

And so does Julietta!

Going for it

 
Have you heard the news?! We are heading back to my home - the Seattle area!!!! There were times when I thought I'd never see the day. For the past six months my mom has been calling and asking, "have you started packing yet?", and I'd laugh and say, "yeah, right."  Then I'd imagine the day when that would actually be happening. It never seemed real - always so far away. And now it is here, and I just want to sing sing sing! (But, I won't because both of my kids are sleeping, and you'd have to be some kind of wack job to wake your kids once they've finally fallen asleep).

She insists on exploring every little thing with all of her senses!

For the past week I've teetered between little surges of excitement that rise up in my chest to head-between-my-knees panic. The conditions of this move aren't ideal. I'm taking the girls ahead while Alex stays behind to wait for his visa and for the café to sell. Our choices were very limited, and in the end, the only obvious solution was for us to move back first, which would give me a chance to get things settled and find a job.

A job.

Oh my.

A job.

Crap.

Turns out that's not so easy.  My teaching certificate has expired.  This is when my head starts spinning and makes it's way back between my knees. Deep breath. Commuting. Deep breath.   Finding (and paying for) full-time day care for my kids. Deep breath. Finding a job in the first place... etc. And to endure this ridiculously difficult juggling act when all I really want to do is make beautiful photographs of people enjoying life and each other's company.

So, guess what?!

I'M GOING FOR IT!

I'm going to take a huge leap of faith and go into business as a photographer.  I'm doing  it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I know that there is a major chance I won't make it. Of course I know that. As naïve as it sounds, for some reason, I just believe it will be ok. Plus, I would much rather give it a shot than wonder my life away.

Man, I'm just full of big news right now! I am finally feeling like I'm gaining back some control over my life, as ironic as that is! Wish me luck. I will put my whole self into this, and try my very hardest.

Oh, and if you're interested in a portfolio-building session, (which will be about half the normal price), I plan on taking between 8-10 in February. After that it will be regular prices, so let me know. I'll be posting very soon about my cunning plan!

Pouring Myself Into it

She is a huge fan of crackers. The turkey? Not so much.

Our Thanksgiving, Sunday November 28th. As I put the mashed potatoes and stuffing into the oven, I caught myself breathing a sigh of relief. "Ah! Thank god I'm almost done with this." After five hours of nearly non-stop cooking and cleaning, I could finally sit down and enjoy the food.

You know what happened, though? The turkey and the stuffing both came out too dry, and the rice salad was just ok (I found myself really enjoying the wine and canned cranberry sauce, though!). I was bummed. I had worked so hard, and the food was not yummy at all.

This is my typical crazy-eyed look. I think it's also my, "thank god, I'm done with this thing" expression.

I have been thinking about this for the past few days and I think I know what happened. Have any of you read "Like Water for Chocolate" by Laura Esquivel, about the girl who pours all of her emotions into the food she is cooking? I think it's like that. I don't LOVE cooking by any means. Actually, I find it more of a chore, and catch myself looking forward to the end of it (when I get to eat my overly dried, tasteless food). I certainly don't pour any of my love into it.

Let's get carvin'!

When I realized this, it dawned on me that I live most of my days like that - just getting through the chores so I can do what I really want to do - play with my kids (I mean really play - not worry about one of them kicking the other in the head, or worry about discipline or how not correcting bad behavior might end up making them serial killers down the road). I want to go on long walks with my husband and kids, and take beautiful photos and learn as much as I can about photography, and take beautiful photographs... (Wait, did I already say that? )  When I'm doing these things, I'm absorbed with them. I put all of myself into them. Everything. And you know what else? I never seem to have enough time to do them. What I mean is I use up every last second of the time I do have, but it's never enough. I always wish I had more!

I don't know why I love this photo so much. I just really do.

See her little teeth? One of her top teeth popped through too.

Thanksgiving 2010 in Valencia, Spain

My mom used to tell us that we should put our whole selves into everything we do. I need to reconsider this, because otherwise I feel like I'm just going through the motions, holding on until the moment when I really get to live again. I certainly don't enjoying the less than desirable activities like doing the dishes and hanging the laundry, but, maybe if I put my whole self into them, I would enjoy them more. I really do think it makes a difference.

She sticks her tongue out whenever she's happily shy, or just excited.

The most beautiful thing to see on a tv screen

When someone loves what they do, they never need to tell you so. It's that obvious. You can see it... or taste it... quite literally. Those people who are fortunate enough to make a living out of one of their  passions must live a joyful existence. I hope I make it there one day. Until then, I think it's time to pour more of myself into all the rest of it.