I've become a bit of a grump. I snap at my two-year-old daughter sometimes. I get angry at little things, like when my husband jokes with me and I don't think it's funny. I want to be nice and kind and sweet and lovely, but sometimes I get stuck on the dismount. I am not as awesome as I want to be.
Last night was the first class from Tamara Lackey's workshop on Creativelive. Like Jasmine Star, this woman is amazing. She is a child photographer, but above all that, she is a self-taught expert on child psychology. She knows how to interact and play and just be with children. She gets down to their level, she talks to them and she relates to them. She tries to empathize with them when their little fingers are cold or if they just don't want to be there getting their picture taken. She is kind.
Although fabulous photographers, what sets Jasmine Star and Tamara Lackey apart from the massive crowd of photographers, in my opinion, is their ability to work with other people. In a word, they are nice. They are the kind of people you'd like to sit down and have a beer with and just shoot the breeze all afternoon long. You know you'd laugh, and you'd be heard and they'd never make you feel stupid, no matter how many dorky things you did!
I have always held faith in that one quality that I believe in so strongly - kindness. I truly think that if you can just be nice to people, to treat them like friends, to talk to them and make them feel heard and understood and welcome and special, well... it will take you places. Unfortunately, it is much easier to treat people the way they treat you.
I meet a lot of grumpy people here. I mean A LOT. And I have to make a conscious effort to be nice to people, because right now in my life, it isn't coming naturally. I either want to shrivel up and disappear, or I want to yell and scream and kick my feet and hit things and yell, "JUST BE NICE... PLEASE!!" People want to feel like they belong. Believe me, I have never felt so low in my entire life because I don't feel like I really belong anywhere except in my own house with my own family. I feel like I'm completely out of my zone. I want to go home, but I can't. And to top it off, I have very few friends here, which makes me feel grumpy and miserable. Trying to be nice to others when you are miserable is like trying to brush your two-year-old's teeth while she's having a tantrum.
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| I don't have a photo of that, but I wish I did. The only more difficult thing would be taking a picture of yourself trying to brush your two-year-old's teeth while she's having a tantrum. |
The thing I try to imagine, though, is that maybe those other people are feeling just like me. Maybe they are tired of feeling ignored. Maybe they used to say hello to each other, but after they realized that no one was responding, they stopped.
Oh, I don't now. I guess I'm trying to say that it seems too easy - "be kind and you will be successful", but when it comes down to it, being kind isn't as simple as it sounds. People can be mean and grumpy and rude. People can really suck sometimes. Why would I want to be nice to those meanies?
Maybe that's why those few who make it a goal to really truly understand others, and give them a break when they behave less than ideally, are the ones who do go far.
Kindness isn't given much thought to when we think of factors that influence success in life. But maybe it should be.
6 comments:
oh sarah dear! it sounds like times are tough for you right now and believe me i wish i could run right over and give you a HUGE squeeze. it may be that you feel out of your zone and all alone but please remember that you are surrounded everyday with the wonderful positive thoughts from those people who you have touched over the years. There is a small ARMY of people who love you from all corners of this globe and not one of them would hesitate to run to your side if you said the word. their positive energy surrounds all days, even when you're not feeling your awesomeness. stay strong, you have been and remain, an incredible, magical, and positive force in my life! you've shown me and so many other kindness - i'm sure it's coming back to you soon! stay strong lovely lady!
Ah, Chantel!! You made me all teary eyed. You are so wonderful! I sure miss you! Thank you so much. I know I have you all, I just wish I could see you!
What came to mind after reading your post is how we can't ever know what someone else is going through until we've walked a mile in their shoes, or however the saying goes. I hope you're not being too hard on yourself. You are not in an easy situation by any means, and like Chantel said there are armies of people who love you. I think back to the last night we had in Spain, where you and I stayed up almost all night talking, and how it gave me an even deeper glance into your life, your struggles, and how desparately I wanted to just sleep in and miss our plane so we could have more late all night talks, face to face. And just so you know, I consider you one of the KINDEST people I know. I love you dear Sarah!!
Oh, Jenny, thank you! I wish we could have more of those late night talks too. Someday in 2011 it will happen! I love you too, dear Jenny!
Oh, is it selfish of me to think you've written this story not only for yourself this week, but also for ME? Really, gee, thanks, it was so nice of you to think of me. ;) I'm so sorry that all of us in the army can't hop on a plane together and have a big ole' party and hide your family away in our suitcases to bring back home. But, hey in the big scheme of things this time will have taught you SO much I'm sure. Though I'm sure it's impossibly hard to think that way on a day to day basis. I see the saying "The days go by slow as a parent, but the years so fast." (or whatever it is) It's a bit like that eh? Except you've got a double whammy, being over there with mean people, ugggg.
Those pictures are to die for by the way, I wish I could get ONE like that one of Bella and pooh, ack too cute!
P.S. I ADORE life stories + photography, I love it all!
Erin, how did you know I wrote this for you too?! I do remember what you saying you got a harsh email... Maybe it was just in the air, or something. Anyway, thank you for your sweet words!! I know this will be over soon, and someday I may even miss parts of it. I know I'll miss this time I have with my kids. I try every single day to keep it in perspective, but, man! It's hard sometimes. And do forget - YOU ARE AWESOME! No matter how many harsh emails you receive!!
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