Judgment. Criticism. Advice.
You know, I'm not a huge fan of any of those words. I know they are necessary, but in my happy little world, we'd all just float around on clouds, dance under cherry trees in bloom and eat chocolate, strawberries and champagne all day long.
Without these words, though, I guess we'd never become world renowned swing dancers and I bet there'd be tons of cloud collisions due to the excessive amounts of champagne consumption.
So, yeah, all right, I'll give you that. They're necessary, in small doses, especially if you find yourself strolling down an artistic path like photography. I've realized that if I want to be any good at this craft, I have to put myself out there, and open myself up to criticism. I have to take a photo that I think could be the spawn of Ansel Adams' work and then have others rip it apart. Ok, so far no one has ripped apart my work, but then again, I've only posted to have my photos critiqued a few times. It's nerve wracking! (Oh, and don't worry, I've never even humored myself enough to compare my work with Ansel Adams' photo babies).
And now for the news...
My foot image was chosen as a finalist in the We Love Feet contest on the Bloom forum. WAHOO!!! Awesome! Wonderful! Kick ass! Right? Right?! It's fabulous, isn't it?
Well... yeah, it is. But now they open it up and forum members vote for the images (gulp!). And you know what else? Everyone can see how many votes our photos get (big gulp that just won't seem to go down!). I'm so scared that I'm going to end up with only one vote. Even more humiliating would be the knowledge that the lone vote would be my own. (Help! Memories of me walking around with toilet paper hanging out of the back of my pants are flooding my mind.)
OH!!!! Don't let me ever enter a contest again!! Do you hear me?!!!
I'll never enter another contest again.
Never
Ever
Ever.
What if I fail?!!
And there it is.
If I let myself be honest with you, and with myself, I'm afraid.
It's really scary to let yourself and parts of yourself - your own creations - be so vulnerable. Photography is such a hit or miss career. The probability that I'll succeed is low. I know this going into it. I will most likely fall flat on my face - in front of everyone (because damn! I started this blog, announcing my cloud dancing high hopes to the world didn't I? Smart one, Sarah.)
The thing is, though, just imagining stopping now because I'm afraid I'll never make it is totally idiotic. And if I don't try, if I let all these thoughts of mediocrity and fear of embarrassment and failure deter me from even attempting it, I honestly feel like I'd suffocate from the inside out. (And I'm not even being just the tiniest bit melodramatic. So there!)
The contests and critiques, the judgment and criticism - these are all just precursors to what is yet to come. So I guess the only logical solution is to step down from the cloud I've been dancing on and hop into a Volvo. At least then when I collide, I'll be ready for it!
Oh, and don't worry your pretty little heads off. Sundays are still reserved for cloud surfing and champagne sipping.
7 comments:
There may very well be some criteria for which you will be judged, but keep in mind, great artists usually become so because they do something just a little bit different. I have seen a lot of professional photography and I like your photos as much or more as anything I have seen... ever! I may be prejudiced because I love you, but I would never ever offer false encouragement. My kids often accused me of being too honest. So, in closing, you go girl!
Oh, my dearie Sarah. You just made finalist!!!! How great is that!! During class, my teacher told me that in every photo he see's, from anyone, he finds a critique in it. Every photo. Coming from a professional, I found that unnerving and exciting. It truly is up to the person looking at it to connect to it or not which gives the artist plenty of space to express and create without trying to please everybody. What makes you an artist is the confidence in your work no matter who judges and the ability to visually tell your story, which you have aced. At the gallery opening I was able to stand back and see people's reactions and hear some feedback. It was funny, and great, and at times not so great at all. One lady came up to me and looked me right in the eye and said "I don't get it." : )! I smiled politely and asked what was confusing and she thought I totally photoshopped the whole thing. I explained that I did not, and it was just taken at a very low angle which made the proportions seem large, but she left, I'm quite sure, not believing me. Hehehe!! I luv your stuff and your girls, so in my book, you've already won. But,good luck! Eat. Sleep. Breathe. I will be crossing my fingers too! ~ Marla
Congrats Sarah on making it to the finals! You should allow yourself to wallow in champagne and strawberries for that accomplishment alone - you're a rock star! I suppose I should take my own advice, though - putting all my writing out there for the world to judge has totally made me go through the exact same emotions. And it seems the more acknowledgment I receive, the more scared I am because I am only opening myself up to more potential criticism and judgment. It's such a double-edged sword! I guess we will both just have to hop into our Volvos and keep driving full speed ahead :).
Sarah... I stumbled on your blog because I saw one of your images in the creativeLIVE flickr critique pool for the Tamara Lackey web series. This post is so encouraging, and I'm sure a lot of photographers can relate to what you've said here, so THANK YOU for being so honest and vulnerable. And keep up the great work!
Thanks, everyone for your kind words and support! It also helps to know that others can relate to what it feels like. Erin, I'm right there with you! But you keep on keepin' on! I love reading your blog!
Marla, I agree with you. Sometimes what makes you stand apart from the crowd is doing something that is different, that won't be liked and that will get chewed up and spit out by critics. But it will also be what makes you great. Something different.
Melissa,
Welcome! I'm so glad you found my blog and it makes me so happy that you can relate to what I'm saying.
And Claudia, you know I adore you!
Claudia, I just realized that my incredible epiphany about doing things differently came directly from your comment! So, YES! I agree with you, and thank you for helping me remember that!!
You seriously rock. Seriously, seriously. Has anyone told you that recently?Because you do! I am so excited for you and your head first dive into photography! And for what it is worth, I think your work is glorious so who cares if you get negative feedback :)
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